分栏四：湖南通道侗族婚嫁习俗（二）

3

侗族婚嫁习俗

Marriage Customs of Dong People

1

抢婚

Robbing for the Bride

and Bridesmaids

为了热闹、风光，在迎亲时有意采取“抢婚”的形式。黄昏时分，新郎带上青年小伙子到新娘家“抢婚”，而新娘家事先组织十几个姑娘、大嫂、大娘和新娘一色打扮，个个手拿响蔑扫帚埋伏在木楼周围，专刷来接亲的队伍。当姑娘们被接亲队伍的小伙子缴械后，东藏西躲，尽情捉弄后生们。后生们到处寻找新娘，往往因抢错对象而被抹黑脸。有的甚至抢上大娘、大嫂，整个场面热闹非凡。

To pursue a lively and impressive marriage, some bridegrooms intentionally adopt the way of “robbing” to fetch the bride and bridesmaids home. Accompanied by several young lads, the bridegroom usually approaches the bride’s home to rob the bride at dusk. To oppose the “robbing” folk, the bride’s family will organize a defending team ahead of time. The team is often composed of a dozen odd people, including peer-lassies, elder sisters, and old aunts. All members dress themselves in the same way with the bride. With weapons of bamboo chips or brooms on hand, they lurk around the bride’s wooden house ready to clash with the “robbing” folk. If unluckily the defending team is disarmed by the young robbing folk, the members will try to hide themselves from one place to another to tease those young guys. Looking for the bride everywhere, the guys will be smeared with black stuff for grabbing the wrong bride. Sometimes, elder sisters or old aunts are mistakenly robbed as brides. The whole scene is filled with fun and amusement.

抢到新娘后，新郎背上新娘即往外跑。若是被堵住出处，接亲队伍的小伙子们便从楼廊上或窗口中爬下来帮忙，另一些青年小伙则负责把伴娘接走。接亲队伍的小伙们在雨点般的响蔑扫帚拍打中掩护新郎、新娘和伴娘们夺路奔出村寨。而村寨之众人一轰追赶而去，欲夺回新娘。早已埋伏在山路上的另一部分接亲队伍一轰出来拦劫。新娘和伴娘们就这样推推拉拉地被“抢”走。

Once the real bride is snatched,thebridegroom will rush towards the exit with the bride on his back. If the exit is blocked, some of his accompanying folks will climb down from nearby galleries or windows to help him flee while others shoulder the responsibility of grabbing the bridesmaids. Those bride-fetching lads, under the frequent flaps of bamboo chips or brooms, do their best to support the escape of the bridegroom, bride and bridesmaids. While the onlookers from the same village with the bride’s family will all join in the effort of grabbing the bride back. At that time, the other folk hidden on the midway will pop up to prevent the villagers from blocking the escape. Being pushed and pulled by the both sides, the bride and bridesmaid are robbed away in the end.

2

闹新娘

Teasing the Bride

这一习俗主要流传于通道西部。在婚宴酒席上，先是本村的姑嫂来闹新娘，他们先发歌赞美新娘和伴娘。接着他们起哄要新娘和伴娘回唱赞歌，先唱“赞酒席歌”再唱“赞房屋歌”，然后唱“赞团寨歌”、“赞长老歌”、“赞姑嫂歌”。姑嫂们尽讲自家的短处，而新娘、伴娘则尽讲他们的好话。他们一唱一答直到村子里的少年儿童来闹新娘糖果。小孩们闹一阵后，接着由青年后生们放鞭炮来闹新娘的油茶吃。然后他们坐在火塘边，讨伴娘点烟，对唱“点烟歌”、“敬茶歌”。场面妙趣横生，其乐融融。

This custom is mainly popular in western Tongdao County. Usually it is the bridegroom’s aunts and sisters-in-law in the same village that start the teasing. At the wedding banquet, they sing paeans to praise the bride and her bridesmaids. Afterwards, they cheer the brides and bridesmaids to sing various forms of paeans back. The sequence of the songs should be: “paeans to the banquet”, “paeans to the house”, “paeans to the village”, “paeans to the senior”, and finally “paeans to aunts and sisters”. For self-abasement, the aunts and sisters may sing humble songs about the defects of their own or their families on purpose. In reply, the bride and bridesmaids try all means to flatter them by singing high praise of them. Such antiphonal singing doesn’t end until the kids of the village come to beg for sweeties and candies. After the kids’ teasing comes the youth who set fire cracks to tease the bride for Youcha. Then they sit around the fire pit, begging the bridesmaids to light cigarettes for them. The young guys and the bridesmaids will also sing antiphonal songs of “lighting cigarettes” and “drinking tea”. The whole scene is really amusing and warm.

3

姑敬酒

嫂敬茶

The BridegroomSisters’ Proposing Toasts

and the Bride’s Serving Tea

南部侗族有些地方在新婚宴席上，首先敬酒的不是新郎新娘，而是新郎的姐妹来敬客人的酒，表示全家人对来宾的敬意。这时宾客要彬彬有礼地接下酒杯，说上几句吉祥语，把酒一口喝完后，还要放些陪杯的零钱，多少不限，再把杯子双手退回。

In some southern areas of Dong people, the first toast is proposed by the bridegroom’s sisters instead of the new couple at the wedding banquet to express the whole family’s respect to the guests. The guests being toasted should accept the wine glasses politely and say a few auspicious words. After drinking up the wine, they are expected to return the glasses gracefully with some change to the bridegroom’s sisters as luck money.

“嫂敬茶”指新娘在客人们酒兴最浓时，由伴娘端着茶盘，逐人敬油茶，以示对来客的尊重。这碗茶也是不好接的，先要客人唱几句吉祥之类的歌或说几句吉祥语，再接过茶碗，吃完后也要放些零钱作为陪碗，不能空碗退回。

When guests are cheery with wine, the bride will serve a bowl of Youcha to them for esteem one by one accompanied by her bridesmaid holding the tray. Before taking over the bowl, guests are required to sing or say a few propitious words. Upon finishing the tea, they are assumed to drop some change to the bowl. Returning an empty bowl is not customary among Dong people.

4

族内不通婚

Non-Intermarriage within the Same Clan

在侗族有“同宗房族”和“异姓房族”之分。“同宗房族”即众所周知的父系血亲的大房族，不论迁徙何地，凡属共祖者，不论多少代，都不能通婚。所谓“异姓房族”就是在一个村寨中，由于有的姓氏人丁发展较慢，只有几户人家，在这种情况下，要操办红白喜事，显然势单力薄，难以承受。于是就出现了由几个姓氏组成一个房族的情况。比如，通道桥寨村的杨姓、粟姓、朱姓、伍姓等几个不同姓氏的小房族即组成了一个大房族。不论红白喜事都如亲兄弟般相互帮忙，久而久之，就形成了亲如手足的异姓房族。族内虽然不同姓，但也不能通婚。

Dong minority have two different clan systems, respectively patrilineal clan with the same family name, and combined clan with different family names. The former is a large clan formed via patrilineal relationship. The members of the same patrilineal clan worship the same ancestor. They are forbidden to marry each other no matter where they have migrated or how many generations they have multiplied. Combined clan with different family names is formed of several small clans. Restricted by the slow growth in population, some clans originally only have a few households. Under such circumstances, those small clans are short of hands when they have the need of holding weddings or funerals. To solve the difficulties, they form a big clan with each other. For example, such a combined clan exists in Qiaozhai Village of Tongdao County. Within that clan, members have different surnames, such as Yang, Su, Zhu, and Wu. Whenever a household of the clan has weddings or funerals, other members will offer a helping hand like blood brothers. As time goes on, those combined clans become as closely tied as patrilineal clans. Intermarriage among members of the same combined clan is thus banned too though they have different family names.

5

不落夫家

Not Dwelling Long

at Husband’s Homeafter Marriage

侗族自古以来流行着“新婚不同房”、“婚后三年上五年下不落夫家”的习俗。若是结婚后即长住夫家，新娘会被人笑话和非议。不落夫家期间，男女双方仍可行歌坐夜。

Since ancient times, Dong people have followed their own special marriage customs of “new couples don’t consummate upon marriage”, “the bride doesn’t dwell long at her husband’s home in the first three to five years after marriage”. If a bride settles down at her husband’s home soon after marriage, she will be scorned by others. Within the first three to five years after marriage when the bride mostly stays at her own parent’s home, both she and her husband are allowed to participate in dating activities of singing antiphonal songs at night.

在“不落夫家”期间，亲家之间有许多次上上下下的奔走。婚后次年正月，男方家由几个妇女或姑娘给女方家送去纺纱的棉花。棉纱纺好后，女方家又邀几个妇女到男方家送棉纱。逢年过节男方家都要给女方家送礼物。每年春节初二或初三，男方应邀几个叔伯兄弟带上礼物到女方家给岳父母拜年。同时，夫家往往派一妇人和一位小姑娘去接新娘。接的时候，新娘要假装推托，甚至躲藏起来。男方妇人劝之又劝，甚至要小姑娘哭闹。新娘“不得已”才答应去，出门时还要夫家那位妇人拉一把，若是一喊就去，旁人会讲闲话。第一次到夫家圆房，新娘顶多住上二三天就回娘家。此后，农忙时节，或有红白喜事，夫家婆婆就去接新媳妇来帮忙。三年五年，接上接下，直到怀孕。女儿怀孕三个月后，娘家邀家族中的几个妇女带上女儿纺织布的工具，送女儿到夫家。

However, there still should be much contact between the two families of the bride and bridegroom within that special period. In the first lunar month of the second year after marriage, the bridegroom’s family is expected to dispatch several women or girls to send the bride’s family some cotton for spinning. After the bride’s family finishes the spinning of threads with the cotton, they will invite several other women neighbors to deliver the cotton yarn back to the bridegroom’s family. Whenever important festivals arrive, the bridegroom’s family should present gifts to the bride’s family for respect. For example, on the second or third day of each lunar New Year, the bridegroom should pay a visit to his parents-in–law and bring them some gifts with several of his uncles and brothers. Meanwhile, the bridegroom’s family will also request a woman and a little girl to pick up the bride. The bride, however, usually declines their request on purpose or even hides herself to show the shyness a bride is expected to bear. She won’t go with them unless the woman has made repetitive persuasion. Sometimes, the bride nods only when the little girl begins to cry. If the bride is picked up too easily, bystanders will make unfavorable comments on her. The first time when the new couple consummates at the bridegroom’s home, the bride will go back to her own parent’s home after staying there for two or three days at the most. After that, her mother-in-law will plead her to come back and help with the work during busy seasons and important activities like weddings or funerals. During those first three to five years after marriage, the bride keeps moving from one family to the other until she gets pregnant. When she has been pregnant for three months, her parents will invite several women of their clan to escort her to her husband’s home together with her daily spinning tools.

4

侗族嫁妆

Dowries of Dong People

侗族姑娘出嫁，不兴哭嫁，也不随带嫁奁。出嫁时，女方仅用一只新竹篮盛几件换洗衣服，由接亲的人提着。嫁妆都是在婚后生儿育女后“打三朝”时送。一些家境较好的人家陪嫁田地。陪嫁的田地，叫“姑娘田”、“姑娘山”，田地收入作新娘私房钱，夫家兄弟无权干涉。现在有部分生活富裕的人家也办一些家具及家用电器作嫁奁。有些地方还兴“打发”，在姑娘出嫁之前，娘家办酒，亲朋好友来“打发”，有的送布、床上用品，有的送糯米，多数送红包，舅家送的礼最重。

Crying marriage doesn’t prevail in Dong Nationality. Moreover, Dong brides don’t take a lot of dowries to the bridegrooms’ home when they are fetched. They only carry several pieces of clothes for changing with a new bamboo basket. Their basket is then held by the bride-fetching folk on the way to the groom’s home. The bride’s parents usually present formal dowries on the birth-celebrating ceremony taken place three to seven days after their daughter gives birth to the first baby. Some better-off families even offer their daughter fields as dowries. The fields are named as “the bride’s farmland” or “the bride’s hill”. The income from those fields directly goes to the bride’s private money, which the brothers of her husband has no right to interfere in. Nowadays, there are also some wealthy families that purchase furniture and household appliances for their daughter as dowries. In some places people still keeps the tradition of gift-dispatching. Before the girl’s marriage, her own parents hold a farewell feast for her at home. Their relatives and friends will attend the feast, bringing along gifts like cloth, bedding sets, glutinous rice, or lucky money. Usually the most precious gift is from the girl’s uncle. All the gifts will then be dispatched to the bridegroom’s home while the bride is being fetched.

5

侗族离婚习俗

Divorce Custom of Dong People

在汉族地区，由于妇女婚后从夫，夫贵妻贱，盛行着“休妻”的离婚方式。在侗族地区则不同，由于妇女地位高，以前盛行“夫从妻居”，因此存在着“忘夫”，即“离开丈夫”的习俗。“忘夫”的手续很简单，各地方式各异。在通道往往是“破竹为凭”。两人不合，就相约到深山老林处，劈三个两节的竹筒，如一刀将其劈成两半，两人各持半边竹筒为凭分离。如果一刀劈不开竹筒，则认为天意不准他们离婚，就和好如初。有的地方盛行“担水休夫”，或是“担柴休妻”的习俗。女方在娘家期间，夫家多次派人接仍不归者，或接到夫家即将水缸挑满后悄然离去者，表示女方要求离异，下次不必来接。女子居家期间，男方挑一担柴放在岳父家门口就离去或从不派人或派人接一两次即不派人去接者，示意男方想离异。男方不要，女方会让房族到男方家吃喝论理赔偿，名为“洗妇钱”；女方不愿，男方也会邀房族到女方家论理赔偿酒筵钱，名为“洗夫钱”。离异后，男女可再娶再嫁。新中国成立后，上述离婚习俗已改变，离婚手续均依《婚姻法》办理。难得的是，侗族夫妻离异后，双方并不互相仇视，有的还按往常走访往来，有事相帮。

In regions inhabited by Han People, women were inferior to men in power. “Abandoning one’s wife” used to be a popular way of divorce because women followed their husbands obediently after marriage. The story for Dong regions, however, was quite different. Enjoying a higher status than men, Dong women took more initiatives in divorce. They might leave their husband if they wanted to forget them as the latter lived humbly with them after marriage. The procedure of “leaving one’s husband” was quite simple among Dong People though the ways for a couple to break up varied from region to region. In Tongdao County, there was a divorce custom called “splitting bamboo tubes”. If a couple was disagreeable to each other and wanted to end up their marriage, they would meet in deep mountains to cut bamboo tubes together. If they could split the three two-section-long bamboo tubes at one cut, they would each hold a half as a symbol of separation and get divorced. If they couldn’t split the tubes, they should obey the heavenly will that they were not allowed to divorce. In that case, they needed to get reconciled to each other and continue living together. In some places, there ran the divorce customs of “carrying water to divorce one’s husband” or “bearing firewood to divorce one’s wife”. If the bridegroom met the following two situations, he should give up the hope of bringing her wife back for the latter was already determined to divorce: the bride still refused to return after being frequently picked up during her stay at her own parent’s home; or the bride filled the water jar of her husband’s family with the water carried by her and then left silently soon after she was picked up home. If it was the bridegroom that wanted to divorce, he would simply bear a load of firewood to her father-in-law’s home and left without saying anything. He might also express his intention of divorce by making a few or even no pickups of his bride from her parent’s home. If it was the husband that asked for divorce, his wife would ask her clan members to eat and drink at her husband’s home and argued for some money as compensation to her marriage. If the wife offered to divorce, her husband would also request some money from her family to compensate for the loss of the wedding feasts. After divorce, both men and women could remarry. Since the founding of People’s Republic of China in 1949, the above divorce customs have changed or disappeared. Nowadays, Dong people divorce according to the regulations of the Marriage Law. What impresses us the most is that a Dong couple will still keep in touch and help each other when needed instead of bearing mutual hatred after their get divorced.

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资料来源：侗族习俗对外译介研究课题

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